In a press conference held his afternoon in an Iowa cornfield, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced he had lifted the ban on several players including Shoeless Joe Jackson, all in a desperate ...

Minutes after discovering the NHL has changed its rule and now allows pucks to be kicked into the net, Dallas Stars GM Jim Nill got on the phone with soccer superstar Lionel Messi. “Heck, if he’s ...

As the white smoke finally emerged from the Sistine Chapel, Mennonites across the globe waited with bated breath to find out just whose authority they would be rejecting for the next few years. “It’s ...

After millions of complaints from customers, McDonald’s has finally found a solution to the broken ice cream machine problem that has plagued their restaurants across the country – hiring the Amish.

Gearing up for his first international visit to Washington, DC, Prime Minister Mark Carney took an intensive three week crash course in tongue-biting from someone who is a world renowned expert in the ...

Southern Manitoba’s most popular shopping centre in Gretna, Manitoba has gone to extreme lengths to get rid of the teens who’ve been loitering in the parking lot this spring. To address this problem, ...

Area man Garth Siemens couldn’t figure out what happened to his iPhone screen this afternoon. “I was just sitting there watching the first church softball game of the season,” said Siemens. “And the ...

One area man is on a mission this afternoon to figure out whether people who saw things differently than him in the recent election are either utterly stupid or unredeemably evil. “About 58% of the ...

Schazenblum’s favourite former dairy farm/wedding venue is now offering up to ten percent off rentals if you’re willing to get married during manure spreading season. “Come one come all to ...

Voters across the country are gearing up for what just may be the most exciting and important False Dichotomy we’ve had in many decades. “It was really hard to decide who to vote for,” said Mrs.

It came out of nowhere, but left-leaning liberals and progressives across Canada are suddenly huge fans of bankers. Banker-mania is sweeping the nation, some even going so far as sporting Mark ...

It’s long been known that professional athletes are highly susceptible to distractions while on the road. There’s no better example of this than the poor performance of the Winnipeg Jets, who are just ...